Since I didn't get my entry in last night due to technical difficulties, I will basically give the main points.
Brandon came over last weekend of course, and on Sunday I went down to Murray with him for church. That was fun, and I actually managed to have an actual conversation. I am quite proud of that; usually people can't get much more out of me then a few words. Anyway, on teh way down to Murray I started to talk about my dad for some reason (which I can't remember). For the rest of the day, the memories and anger periodically made an appearance in my mind, and I was trying not to let it get to me. The main points on my mind were these: first, why does it still bother me so much, and hurt so much when he doesn't call? Or when he breaks a promise? I should expect it now. But every time it makes me want to cry, makes me think I'm not important enough for that. When I was little I used to crawl beneath my blankets and cry when things like that happened. Now I don't care to...and I try to tell myself that he didn't mean to break his promises. Secondly, I kept thinking of that...look my dad gets when he's angry. I don't know how to describe it. It's like he's not even sane anymore...his eyes get wild, and the very look on his face scares the shit out of me. He hasn't hit me in years, and I don't know that he would now. But it still frightens me, and I still cower every time he gets angry with me. I can't even fucking stand up to him when he is sitting there talking about how horrible he thinks Brandon is. That's the next part of my tale. Sunday night, after Brandon and I made it back to my house, I called my older brother. He was on his way out of the house, however, so instead I was stuck talking with my dad. One of the first things he said (after I told him I was with Brandon,) was, "You're trying to learn things the hard way, aren't you? Even after all that has happened."
After all what has happened, praytell? And how the hell would he know anyway? He hasn't bothered to find out anything about my life in years. He just throws in his advice and commands when he feels necessary. Fuck him. He doesn't know shit about me, or Brandon, or anything else in my life. Talking to him, however, only worsened the frequent thoughts and memories. That night I had trouble sleeping, but it was mostly because Brandon was not there. You see, the reason I woke up in the middle of the night was because of a nightmare starring the Jackass himself, my dad. That's when I found out my blankets were on the floor, and Brandon was not there for me to hold on to for safety. Since then I have been having similiar nightmares every night. I can't sleep well, and I've been tired every day in school. Usually I only have one dream that wakes me up around 3 or so, and after that I manage to sleep the rest of the night. But last night was the worst. Everytime I fell back asleep, it seems, I would only dream again. That's why I woke up late (from exhaustion) and feel like collapsing now. I'm afraid to go to sleep, and that's sad.
Anyway...on Sunday I also talked to Danny, my little thirteen-year-old brother, and I was reminded of how halarious that child is. I love him so much. I don't know how he can live with someone so...mean and be so pure and sweet. Of course, he does have a twisted sense of humor. Among the things he said to me (that had me laughing hysterically) were:
"You want to know what my new favorite thing to do is? I find a flock of sheep, then I start to rip out their hair one by one to see which one screams the loudest."
Also this on Easter eggs.."Know why I like to eat Easter eggs? They remind me of babies." (My family, or at least my dad, always decorates hard boiled eggs on Easter so that they look like people.)
My friend Dana's a funny character. On Tuesday in science we were catching up with our group because we were both absent the Friday before, and so as the others were answering questions we had no idea what was going on. Nonetheless, every time a question was answered we would promptly reply, "That's what I thought, too!" or "That's what I was saying the whole time!"
Once we had finally figured it all out, we came to a diagram in the packet we were working on. It was all about electricity, so it showed a circuit and asked us to name four things that were wrong with it. Not only were there lightbulbs, but also a bell; so the others in our group wondering if the bell didn't belong. Dana and I stood up for the bell, yes sir.
"It's not the bell's fault it's a bell! I demand justice!"
"This is unfair appliance profiling!"
Things like that were practically shouted by Dana and myself as we stood up for that bell's freedom and rights. I think we won, because the bell stayed. Also, one of the questions on the diagram asked, "If lightbulb so-and-so were removed...." so Dana and I decided that the bell was going off on its own. He didn't need them. So I started to softly sing, "I'm gonna make it after all..." That was science. One of the funnest science classes all year, no doubt.
Other than that, nothing too terribly exciting has happened lately. I ate lunch with Nikki, Holly, Cally, and Melissa after school today then hung out at Nikki's for a bit. I had to vacate the premises for an orthodontist appointment, however. Now I have my bottom retainer and my speech is even more screwed up than before. I hate it.
I have two short stories to tell, and then I will be off for the night most likely.
Last year, around this time I believe, on another early dismissal day, my friends (Luke, Allie, Emma, Casey, and Katie) and I all decided to go to my house for a small party. It was quite fun, and many famous lines were born that day.
First, Allie and I decided to have a bit of fun. We crawled beneath a blanket on my living room floor and began giggling for no apparent reason, slowly crawling across the floor beneath the blanket. Lucifer happened to notice this and, chuckling, inquired as to what we were doing. When we only laughed in response, he looked at his company and said, "I wonder what's going on under there?"
As always, I had to only make their assumptions worse. I was wearing two shirts; a white button up shirt with a white tank top beneath it. I took off my button up shirt and, just as Luke was finished speaking, tossed it out from beneath the blanket. There was a moment of silence before look shouted, "WHOA!" and everyone burst into hysterical laughter. That was only the beginning, though; Luke decided he wanted to join in as well, so unbeknownst to Allie and myself he got up off the couch and started to creep over to our hiding place beneath the blanket. He was about to dive on top of us when Casey discovered his plot and sacrificed herself, jumping on top of us herself so that Luke couldn't. Luke didn't realize this until it was too late, however, and so he landed on top of Casey and there was a brief altercation. After a few moments I peeked out from beneath the blanket in time to see Luke "accidently" kick Casey a little below the stomach. She doubled over, groaning in pain. Without a moment's hesitation I yelled, "Her ovaries!!" That was the birth of one of our more famous quotes. Ever since then, whenever Casey or myself get hit in the stomach, it is only customary that we shout that as loud as we can.
The second quote that was brought forth into the world was when Katie started to massage Luke's back. It must have been hard work, because she leaned closer to him and not only massaged his shoulders with her hands, but his back with her chest. As she leaned into him she said softly, "Oh Luke, you're so tense!"
Oh, how we have milked that one for all it's worth. We love to say that. Especially when playing "Honey I Love You". Haha. I am the queen.
Second story!
As I have said before, I love the rain and I will look for any excuse to play in it (I even saved a slimy worm this morning; I love worms). One day when Allie was over at my old duplex, it was raining quite heavily outside and it seemed to beckon to me. So I suggested to Allie that we run around in the mud, and she enthusiastically agreed.
Now, we were only wairing pajama shorts and tanktops. It didn't bother us, though. We quickly ran outside and ran to my backyard, where we stood for a few moments as the rain beat down ceaselessly upon us. After Allie had taken enough she suggested we make our way back inside, so instead of using the backdoor we ran around towards the front. At the duplex there was a small incline directly before the driveway, and as we were running quickly down the muddy slope I slipped. I slid in the mud, which also had several rocks in it, and didn't stop until I had reached the driveway and ran into my mother's car. I was wet, muddy, and I had scrapes along along my thighs and backside. Allie asked if I was all right, and once I admitted that I was she began laughing. And laughing. We finally went back inside and I cleaned myself up, and in an attempt to salvage my boxers I through them in the washer. that didn't work, and to this day my Dr. Suess boxers have a strange tint to them. Ah, fond memories.
Anyway, I do believe that is all for now. have a lovely night, etc.etc.
Oreo