But, to each his own. I won�t look down on anyone for giving up something they cherish for 40 days and 40 nights for their faith. I�ll probably make fun of them a bit, but it�s all in good fun. I respect them, in a way, because I would never be able to commit myself to such a thing, especially not in the name of religion. I know, I know, you�re all thinking, �Here she goes again...� I�m not here to insult anyone today, actually. I�m just here to say good for you. As for me, I�ve abandoned trying to fit in with the �church scene� (well, I did so long ago) and I�ve just come to accept that I�m not a very spiritual/religious person. I believe in a god of sorts, although the finer details in my mind are still a little sketchy. For instance, I believe very few of the stories in the Bible. I�m not even sure I�m convinced that Jesus was really the Son of God. I don�t go to church, and I don�t make the focal point of my life my spiritual beliefs. They�re just there, and that�s plenty good enough for me. I�m still a little touchy about the subject, though, because I�m tired of being told that I�m destined for hell. So what if I am? If it be so, it�s my own business and no one else�s. I was getting a little edgy around Brandon on Sunday because he was asking me questions that were making me a little more than uncomfortable. And, as we all know, that isn�t an easy task. The question that really made me squirm uncomfortably, however, was when he asked me, �Then how will you grow in your faith?� His question was a response to my statement that I was never going to join a church. [That was also the conversation that had me blubbering, �I�m tired of being looked down on because I do things a little differently. I�m tired of always feeling like I�m wrong.�] I hesitated when answering, not because I didn�t have an answer but because it almost felt like he was cornering me, trying to have me admit that I need to find a church, or that I want to. It sounds silly, but I almost got the feeling that he was looking down on me, too. I stuck to my guns, however, and replied, �Why do I need to?� I think my faith, whatever form it may take, is at an ideal level for me. I�m not going to pretend to be something I�m not so that I can �grow in my faith.� I�m too inquisitive, too detail-oriented, too stubborn, too opinionated and rebellious to belong to one specific religion. There are other factors that weigh in as well, I�m sure. For instance, I have yet to find a religion that fits my beliefs. I can�t commit myself to something that doesn�t fit me right. But the main point is that I�m just not comfortable in that kind of setting, that is just not who I am. To quote Brandon, �I�m just not built that way.� Believe me, I�ve tried.
Anyway, I don�t believe that you are destined for hell if you don�t adhere to certain beliefs. Should there be such a thing as heaven, I think one should get there due to the quality of their life, not the details of their faith. The latter is just silly.
That concludes my spiel for the night. I�m really not such a bad kid.
Proudly eccentric,
Victoria �The Heretic� Anderson
P.S. My second interview with PetSmart was today, and it went well I think. I won't know if I got the job until early next week, though.