Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one Can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day
First of all, however, I have to complain about my current situation at work. Or the one on Saturday, rather.
You see, a week ago today the company that owns the Golden Corral chain had wanted to close our branch, because it wasn�t make sufficient funds. And so, wanting to get rid of all of the food before closing, the manager Brian did not order any.
Lo and behold, they decided the very next day that they weren�t going to close the restaurant after all. So, to my annoyance, I had to go back in and check my schedule. Well, I believe that I have already shared that I had to work for ten hours on Saturday. Let me tell you, it was Hell.
First of all, because we hadn�t ordered any food, there was virtually nothing to eat. We made several creative attempts to fill the empty spaces, much to the chagrin of our customers. They didn�t appreciate having very little variety/fresh food. And so, we had complaints about once every five minutes. Being the sensitive woman that I am, I start to cry whenever someone yells at me. As I�m sure you can imagine, by midday I was about ready to break down. There were two women who brought my wall crumbling down and had me bawling in the back of the restaurant.
First was an older customer who came in with her husband around 11 that morning. She had many complaints that morning, which started off with, �Is this food fresh? It doesn�t look fresh. It looks dry.� Now, it really was fresh; Joe had just put it out when her and her husband had walked into the restaurant. Other complaints ensued, things including [but not limited to] there was not enough variety, the service was terrible, etc. Now, her complaint about the service had to do with me. I had been dealing with various people yelling at me all throughout the day, and so when said woman came up to the counter and started yelling at me for all of the problems she was facing, I calmly said, �I�m sorry, ma�am. But I don�t run this company, I work here.�
She continued on her tyrade, however, seeming to pay no attention to my statement. She also became quite angry when I informed her that our manager wasn�t working that day, and that we couldn�t find our assistant manager, Marty; he kept disappearing on and off all day long.
And so finally, after putting up with this woman for quite some time, i snapped, �Yeah? Well, we�re not making you eat here!� And then I turned around and walked away. She kept shouting things at me, but I retreated behind the coolers, back by the table the cooks and I work at. It was there that I fumed and ranted to a coworker of mine, Geoff.
And then the second woman decided to bitch at me. It was a coworker of mine, also one of the cooks. She made a few pointed comments about the fact that I need to hurry up, because I was falling behind on filling up the bar. I was already fed up with people and their shenanigans, and so I said, �I�m trying! I have people bitching at me up front, you nagging at me back here, people constantly coming in on line, there�s always something to refill, and things to clean. I�m trying to do it all, but I�m sorry if I can�t finish it all at once!�
She once more pointed out that I needed to move faster, to which I responded, again, �I�m trying!!�
After she had walked away, I sought refuge behind the coolers again and began to cry. I was more than tempted to quit right there on the spot, but I thought better of it.
The day started to look up from there. At least until Colt and Craig arrived...
Colt has been giving me some trouble ever since he started working, starting with the whole �nuts� joke and turning that into asking me if I would flash him. Every ten minutes. And from there, it turned into Colt either patting or slapping my ass every time he passed behind me. I had told him to stop, but hadn�t yet complained about it to either Brian or Marty.
Well, Saturday night it got even worse. I was standing in the back, slicing up a cake to put on the dessert bar, when Colt walked back to check out what I was doing. He stopped beside me, remaining quiet as he watched the process. Suddenly, he put his arm around my shoulders and asked, looking down at my chest, �So, when am I going to see these beasts?� And from there, Colt reached down and grabbed the left side of my chest.
For a moment, I was too shocked to do anything. I quickly gained control of myself, however, and quite plainly told him that if he ever touched me in such a way again without my permission, I would personally knee him hard enough that he would permanently lose his ability to have children.
That didn�t stop him, however, and before I left that night he and Craig both begged me to flash them.
As I was leaving, another interesting thing happened. Two of our dishwashers only speak Spanish, for the most part. I speak Spanish as well, and am in my third year of it, but I have discovered that they don�t actually teach us the useful phrases. Like, �Keep your fucking hands off of me.�
Both dishwashers had the habit of staring at me each time I went into the kitchen area. Along with staring they would sometimes make noises, whose meaning I never wanted to try and interpret, winked, or performed some other possibly innuendous gesture.
The oldest one, Mariano, was the worst. He was in his early fifties at the youngest, and he was the one that most often looked at me/tried to talk to me. He has gotten into the habit lately of trying to hug me each time I either go into work, or leave work. Saturday night as I was leaving work, Mariano caught me on my way out the door. There was really no way passed him, and so I was more or less forced to allow myself to be pulled into a hug. It was all fine at that point, I didn�t have too much of a problem with the minor show of affection. It was when he kissed my neck however, that I jumped back and said, �No.� That was all I said, and then quickly left.
Well, my work situation is slightly different now...
They closed the restaurant officially Tuesday night, at the last minute. They were bought out by a new franchise...whether I can get a job with them or not, I don�t know. But this hopefully means no more unwelcome advances.
I had the weirdest nightmare the other night.
I dreamt that I was six years old again. I was upstairs sitting on the very couch that we presently have in our house, and in the house that we presently live in. That was odd in and of itself, since we haven�t been in this house but a year.
Even more odd was the fact that my mother and I were married. I�m not sure how I knew this, as it was never verbalized in the dream...I just knew.
Well, after a moment my mother walked into the living room, and over to the long window facing our front lawn. Just as she did so, a car pulled up in the driveway, it�s bright headlights piercing the darkness.
�Your brother must be home..� my mother mumbled. She noticed only seconds later, however, that he had driven her car to whatever destination he had sought. This greatly angered her, as only the night before she had distinctly forbid him from using her car. In a moment of rage, my mother ran out into what was suddenly midafternoon, rather than pitch dark. She reached the car just as my brother had opened the driver side door; reaching in, she slapped him across the face while simultaneously screaming angrily at him.
My brother�s face froze, stiff as stone. He slowly climbed out of the car, an almost maniacal look of rage in his eyes. My mother froze as well, although her actions more out of fear. Reaching up with agonizing slowness, my brother wrapped one hand around my mother�s neck and squeezed, slowly strangling her.
I couldn�t figure out why my mother wasn�t fighting back. And jumped up from the couch, suddenly becoming my current age, and ran outside to help. Just as I hit the screen door, I woke up.
Or dreamt that I woke up, at least. In my dream at this point I was in bed one moment, and sitting in my kitchen with Brandon and my mother the next. I began telling them about the dream, and all they did was laugh at me and tell me that I was going crazy.
And then I really did wake up, my heart pounding. That wasn�t the first time that I have had a nightmare about someone�oftentimes my brother�hurting my mother and me being able to do nothing to stop it.
Moving on. I feel a bit weird having had that dream again.
I love being me. Tactless, sarcastic, and blunt. Sure, they all don�t sound that great when put together, but..I think I can pull it off quite nicely.
Speaking of being like this...I went to the doctor last Friday. I told her all of my concerns about anti-depressants, and she put me on Zoloft, which is apparantely the best choice for someone like me. Which is a medium between sluggish and antsy, I guess. I don�t know. Anyway, I started taking them that same day...and I have to go back in another week so that she can see how I am doing and we can decided if the medication is right for me or not.
They won�t start really taking effect until then, either. But until that point she has asked me to keep a journal of my general feelings each day, and any odd dreams that I may have. I�m sure that can constitute as one.
Maybe Zoloft will make my diary less dreary?
�Hallelujah! Praise JeSUS!!�
You know, I haven�t made fun of/commented on the large group of Chrisitan fanatics that irks me in some time. So...guess what tonight is, folks?!
That�s right, it�s...Mock the Christians night!! Muwhahaha, feel my wrath!!
Sorry, sorry. I really don�t have anything against them, like I have said before. I just think they�re kind of funny...
Anyway, one of my favorite things that Christians tend to do is place themselves above everyone else. It�s like they have their own �secret society�. It�s worse than the geeks and their D&D meetings.
�Hello, I am Galstat, sorcerer of light!�
�Then how come you had to cast magic missile?�
(insert snorting laughter here)
Sorry. I really do like geeks...I think they�re sweethearts.
Anyway! Back to my rant. Some of the Christians that I have met feel that they are �different� from everyone else, more special in some way because of their religion. At times I think they perhaps act more like a cult than anything else...
�Come, join us....you�ll like it, we promise...everyone�s doing it. Come on, it�ll make you feel good...Jesus loves little children...�
Okay, okay. Perhaps that last one was going a bit too far.
(**Side note: I do believe in God, I believe in Jesus, although not necessarily in the same way or context that you do. I simply enjoy poking fun at things, and nothing is safe from me. Even God and Jesus.)
I suppose it would feel nice to depend on someone/something else for your happiness, and have a scapegoat for all of your evil, wicked sins.
I didn�t want to have sex...the devil did.
Pity me, dear Christians, for I am confused in the ways of the world. I have the audacity to believe that people sin because they want to, because it was their idea, not because the devil tempted them. I believe the decisions in our life or solely up to us, not God. I believe that nothing is predetermined.
Pray for me. Please. I�m a sad, pathetic soul because I have a mind of my own, my own beliefs, and I refuse to follow a �messenger of God.� Do you realize how many of those there are? How do you honestly know which one is a messenger? That reminds me a previous entry about religion.
�Ladies and Gentleman, it is time to call on the Lorduh! He will heal whatever ails you, my brothers! Can I get an Amen?!�
Perhaps my favorite part about the naive�aka religious fanatics�are the TV evangelists. No, I suppose my favorite part is that people actually believe the cons that they are seeing.
I especially love it when they �blast� the devil out of people (haha...that could be a pun...). So...if I want to cure some rare disease, all I have to do is slap someone on the forehead hard enough that they fall backwards, possibly even pass out?
�In the name of JEsus, you have been saved-uh!!�
Even my brother has been duped my an evangelist who apparantely made an elderly, wheelchair-bound woman at his church walk. He also cured some crack addict.
But, seriously. How can people base their lives in such a degree on something that can be interpreted in hundreds of ways? Something that constantly contradicts itself?
My brother also offers a prime example of this. According to him, everything he does was meant to happen that way. God also constantly sends him signs about what should happen next in his life, who his newest soulmate is, and whether or not he�s a good person and the rest of us are assholes. He has also became rather racist and homophobic in recent times. Another message of God�s? Britt (my brother) and a bisexual friend of mine used to get along very well. In fact, Britt was going to date my friend�s elder sister. Both dislike Britt strongly now, however. My friend�s sister dislikes Britt because a.) He�s just...weird. 2.) He talks about God way too much, and it always felt like he was up in her face and trying to shove his beliefs down her throat. My friend dislikes Britt for a slightly different reason. You see, Britt and my friend got into a long argument the other night about my friend�s sexuality. Basically, my brother said that my friend is a woman, homosexuality is a sin punishable by death, as well as other elements. Here, let me show you the conversation (courtesy of my friend):
My friend: and YOUR supposedly the hardcore christian
My friend: ha, that's a laugh
Britt: are you insulting my religion?
My friend: no
Britt: because if you are you better back the fuck up
(insert senseless arguing..continue)
well, just know i'm pretty testy when it comes to war
My friend: i'm really not tryin to insult you
Britt: yeah because you're like a fucking woman
Britt: grow some fucking balls
My friend: what the?
My friend:why am i a woman?
My friend:because i think killing is wrong?
Britt: ever thought the only reason you like guys is cuz you were raised by and around women, and your father was a disappointment?
Britt: you're a fucking woman
My friend: don't ever talk about my family agian
Britt: fuck you and your fucking family
Britt: hate to slang the truth at ya homeboy
My friend: you don't know half the things about my family
My friend: so don't even go there
Britt: it's the truth and you know it
My friend: and that make's me a woman?
My friend: last time a checked i was still a man
My friend: just with a different point of view
My friend: and not beeing able to see that is ignorance
Britt: a woman's point of view
My friend: and also judgment
Britt: hey homie it also says in the bible not to be a faggot
My friend: where?
My friend: please tell me
Britt: or pretend to be one
Britt: though shall not consult in a sexual manner with another male
Britt: didn't you know one of the three sins to death is being gay?
My friend: no, it says shall a male lay with a man as he lays with a woman may his blood be upon his own head
My friend: that can be taken diff. ways
Britt: oh my gosh how can it be taken other then you're fucked
My friend: it can meen may he deal with humanity for how they'll treat him
Britt: yeah if you wanna sit in denail
My friend: itsn't that all christianity and catholosism is? denial and hipocritisism?
Britt: doing drugs, being gay, and blasphemizing the holy spirit
Britt: three sins to death
My friend: that's another reason why i'm not totally christian
Britt: how is it denial and hypocrosy?
Britt: there's nothing hypocritical in the bible
My friend: the church itself is hipocritical
Britt: people yes are hypocritical and in denial, but show me a human who isn't
(insert more senseless arguing)
My friend: you know, i really don't want to get in a fight with you, i don't want to pick a fight, nor do i want to get knocked out because of RELIGION. That's the biggest hipocrosy in the wold is war because of religion
Britt: you're just like a woman. when you know you're wrong you change the subject. i have no time to talk to a little bitch like you. peace
My friend: your the most judgmental person i've ever met
Britt: i'm not judging you for shit
Britt: let God do that cuz He will
Britt: i think you're a little bitfch
My friend: callin me a woman and not talkin to me because of it isn't judgin?
Britt: no judging is saying i think you're wrong and what you do is wrong and i'm not going to talk to you because of it
Britt: i don't want to argue with someone who has no case
Britt: or acts like a little bitch and can't admit he's wrong
Britt: do what you want man i don't give a shit. it's not my life to fuck up
That�s what religion does to some people? That�s what it makes them? I mean, my brother is a perfect example of what I have always said about religion...he was judging my friend, acting like a condescending asshole.
Now, notice that I said �some people� up yonder. I do fully realize that many people do not get so fanatic over the words of the Bible. Especially since for one passage, you can find another that contradicts it. Plus, as I pointed out earlier, there are so many ways that one can interpret the text of the Bible. I don�t trust the Bible all that much, to be honest. It�s to self-contradicting, too male-oriented for my tastes.
If anything I have said offends/hurts you in any way, find someone who gives a damn. If you are so uptight about such a thing, you are probably one of the fanatics that I have ranted about. If you can�t find anyone else, then I suppose you can e-mail me if you wish and I�d love to debate it all with you.
(Insert snicker)
To change subjects quite drastically, I have discovered what my fetish is. No, it�s not sternums. Or plastic farm animal sets. I was talking to my friend AJ the other night (while we were also Rping) and he was being his perverted self. At one point he said rather out of the blue, �I like boobs. What�s your fetish?�
I laughed at him at first, but then when he kept pestering me about it I actually got to thinking. About half an hour later, i finally answered, �Well...I suppose I�d have to say sensuality.� See, [almost] nothing turns me on more than a back rub, a caress, any sort of light touch whether it be with hands or lips. They give me one of those rather pleasurable shivers up my spine. I do like it.
I am obsessed with Gollum lately...I will walk around saying, �My preciousss...� and I watched The Two Towers several times in the last couple of weeks just to hear Gollum [and his song by the forbidden pool]. He�s funny. Jon once yelled at me for calling Gollum and his arguments with himself funny...He said, �It�s not funny, it�s sad!! You�re probably one of those people in the theater that my friends and I got mad at because you were laughing at him.�
And he was serious, too.
You know, some may want to lynch me for saying so, but...am I the only one that was disappointed buy the fifth Harry Potter book? I found it too predictable, myself. And everything that was happening was the same thing, the same damn thing we�ve seen in the other four.
And I hated the way she made Harry constantly angry. It got on my nerves real fast.
And why the hell did she have to kill SIRIUS?! He was Harry�s only family besides the rotten Dursleys. I mean, jeez. Let the boy have a little happiness.
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thank you for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault
Oreo, the evil turkey