In all honesty, I don't really have anything to talk about. Or, if I do, I don't feel like talking about it. S'the story of my life, I tell ya what! (Why do I feel like saying, "yeehaw" again?)
I feel sort of lonely, but that doesn't really bother me tonight. It sounds weird, I know, but I just feel most comfortable like this. At least for tonight.
My grandmother and I talked all about boys tonight and how my Papa - though a good man in his heart - was a womanizer. He never saw a problem with one night stands, never understood how it hurt Bonky. She's afraid for me, afraid that I will end up in a marriage like that.
"You have such potential," she said, "and you have so much going for you. You're beautiful inside and out. Don't ever let a man take away who you are."
It made me cry, for several reasons. 1. I cry whenever someone praises me and makes me feel special because, I don't know, I'm strange. 2. It reminded me of all the negative feelings I had after Brandon cheated. Am I good enough? Pretty enough? Smart enough? What did I do wrong to deserve this? 3. I don't understand where she sees all these wonderful things. 4. I'm just uber emotional.
But the good news is that I have a nice big bag of jelly beans here to eat and keep me company. I had to fish out a couple of earwigs first, but still. They're edible.